Forest Gardening meets Deep and Personal Ecology

I have whittled away a day holding onto my fears, thinking about it, deciding I will stay scared of the consequences of this big change in life, digging a hole that is deeper and deeper for me to climb out of.

The change is up there in the real world not in my personal, deep, dark, hole.

I wish someone else would make the big decisions for me so that I would have their instant approval and be accepted.

I have been here before, wondering what to do. Waiting for the decision to come from outside of myself.

Yet only I can love myself so fully that I give myself the freedom to do whatever I want. God is not going to tell me what to do. My parents have long moved onto other joys in life rather than running mine. It is up to me.

My partner has not always approved of my rash actions, my great intentions. Focus on many activities does take time away from relationship but it also creates the self, which we bring to that relationship. The activities of soul create the spirit, the love, the joy, the excitement, and the challenges, which a relationship has to have to share.

Letting go I must see if my life friends stay or go.

So what am I going to do with my life?

Ok please Mahanta give me signs. My mobile phone works inside my country cabin for the first time so communication is possible from here. The wood fire has embers and a rises from its ashes with new flame. The computer has rarely started first time but now it invites the staccato of my typing without hesitation for the journey. My Word program has been reloaded but still does not give me a menu of options and in so doing steers my writing to my database were I can search and display whatever I write.

Yes I am to write. I crave to write. It activates my senses. It expresses my loves to the world. Now that I am writing it does not scare me totally I have taken the keen edge from the knife of fear and blunted it on my passion. In time I will write so much that knife will rarely see the light of day from its dark sheath and I will sharpen instead the knife of love, the cuts through the obstacles in its path, to share and thus find itself with others.

I must honour my individuality, my passions for arts long forgotten. It is these that will be of interest, unique, adventurous, and heart full.

I am going to have to reinvent this every year or two. Life changes so fast now.

The wood fire indeed burns fiercely now.


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Love,

David

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